Of genius and mediocrity

My drive to work gives me a lot of time to think - at least when the other idiots on the road (of course I can't be one >.>) allow me to. My brain decided today that it was going to ponder something serious. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I've been listening to soundtracks a lot in the last few days. In either regard, I felt it was important enough to actually write my thoughts down. Usually I'll have an amazingly deep and profound discussion with myself and then promptly forget about it the moment I step out of the car.

Well, onto my commuter ponderings.

I am a smart person. No, I'm not bragging. I have a high IQ, I've always gotten high scores in every standardized test - even ones that test abilities and not just knowledge. I've excelled in school, and I understand things with very little difficulty. I even am lucky enough to have common sense on top of intelligence - at least most of the time.

And yet, I haven't reached the top of anything I've endeavored to do - be it scholastic, musical, crafting, what-have-you. Oh, I'm good, quite good, at a number of varied activities. But I've never gotten past the limit of very good or excellent, into the realm of true genius. I could have been a doctor, or a top researcher, or something equivalent. Instead I'm a "middle manager" for a drug company. I'm not covered in laurels or top in my company. Am I a valued employee? Yes. But I don't kid myself into thinking that they couldn't find someone else just as qualified and valuable next week if I weren't here.

As I look back on my life, I look at the choices I've made. I could have been a doctor - I wanted to be a cardiologist. Yet by the time I got to my junior year in college I was so tired of school I got my little B.S. and ran. And to be completely honest, the thought of going back to school to get a master's or a PhD/MD holds absolutely no appeal to me.

I've had several opportunities to get a job in the Northeast or in California that would have put me on a path to "importance" in my chosen field. Yet, because I (or my ex) wanted to stay near my family, I chose to wait for positions locally, or at least closer to Dallas than the East or West coast. I know that I could have been higher in the field than I am. I look at people my age that went to the big companies and they have higher positions and more money. Yet, I think to myself, do I want to make the time commitment they have had to make. I'm sure they work nearly 60 hours a week on a regular basis.

And now that I have to deal with the consequences of my MS, I wonder. On some level was God guiding me in my choices, knowing that I would have to face this? I can't handle a 60-hour a week job, especially so far from the support of my family. I know this. I've experienced this. But is my life poorer for it? I think not. I'm close to my family. I have time not only for them, but for my friends and the extra-curricular activities that add richness to my days. I can take a vacation and not have to work during my "time off". I am more than my work.

So, am I squandering my life away in mediocrity? I sincerely hope not. Some would say I am. But is being the best at something really the best goal? Or is it having a full life with those that care about you that one should hope for? I guess the key is to be happy with your life and to keep striving for what you want, but not to be so caught up in it that a failure ruins any chance of happiness.