So it's been awhile since I posted anything. Life has been particularly stressful and I hardly have energy for normal stuff, much less blogging.
That said, I'll try to at least write something even when I'm busy.
I'm ready for fall now - ready for the high temperature to be in the 70s or 80s instead of 94. Ready for daylight savings time to be over so I'm not trying to drag my tired butt out of bed in pitch black night. Even the dogs aren't stirring before my alarm goes off, and they're usually good about that.
WTB fall weather, PST
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
Of genius and mediocrity
My drive to work gives me a lot of time to think - at least when the other idiots on the road (of course I can't be one >.>) allow me to. My brain decided today that it was going to ponder something serious. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I've been listening to soundtracks a lot in the last few days. In either regard, I felt it was important enough to actually write my thoughts down. Usually I'll have an amazingly deep and profound discussion with myself and then promptly forget about it the moment I step out of the car.
Well, onto my commuter ponderings.
I am a smart person. No, I'm not bragging. I have a high IQ, I've always gotten high scores in every standardized test - even ones that test abilities and not just knowledge. I've excelled in school, and I understand things with very little difficulty. I even am lucky enough to have common sense on top of intelligence - at least most of the time.
And yet, I haven't reached the top of anything I've endeavored to do - be it scholastic, musical, crafting, what-have-you. Oh, I'm good, quite good, at a number of varied activities. But I've never gotten past the limit of very good or excellent, into the realm of true genius. I could have been a doctor, or a top researcher, or something equivalent. Instead I'm a "middle manager" for a drug company. I'm not covered in laurels or top in my company. Am I a valued employee? Yes. But I don't kid myself into thinking that they couldn't find someone else just as qualified and valuable next week if I weren't here.
As I look back on my life, I look at the choices I've made. I could have been a doctor - I wanted to be a cardiologist. Yet by the time I got to my junior year in college I was so tired of school I got my little B.S. and ran. And to be completely honest, the thought of going back to school to get a master's or a PhD/MD holds absolutely no appeal to me.
I've had several opportunities to get a job in the Northeast or in California that would have put me on a path to "importance" in my chosen field. Yet, because I (or my ex) wanted to stay near my family, I chose to wait for positions locally, or at least closer to Dallas than the East or West coast. I know that I could have been higher in the field than I am. I look at people my age that went to the big companies and they have higher positions and more money. Yet, I think to myself, do I want to make the time commitment they have had to make. I'm sure they work nearly 60 hours a week on a regular basis.
And now that I have to deal with the consequences of my MS, I wonder. On some level was God guiding me in my choices, knowing that I would have to face this? I can't handle a 60-hour a week job, especially so far from the support of my family. I know this. I've experienced this. But is my life poorer for it? I think not. I'm close to my family. I have time not only for them, but for my friends and the extra-curricular activities that add richness to my days. I can take a vacation and not have to work during my "time off". I am more than my work.
So, am I squandering my life away in mediocrity? I sincerely hope not. Some would say I am. But is being the best at something really the best goal? Or is it having a full life with those that care about you that one should hope for? I guess the key is to be happy with your life and to keep striving for what you want, but not to be so caught up in it that a failure ruins any chance of happiness.
Well, onto my commuter ponderings.
I am a smart person. No, I'm not bragging. I have a high IQ, I've always gotten high scores in every standardized test - even ones that test abilities and not just knowledge. I've excelled in school, and I understand things with very little difficulty. I even am lucky enough to have common sense on top of intelligence - at least most of the time.
And yet, I haven't reached the top of anything I've endeavored to do - be it scholastic, musical, crafting, what-have-you. Oh, I'm good, quite good, at a number of varied activities. But I've never gotten past the limit of very good or excellent, into the realm of true genius. I could have been a doctor, or a top researcher, or something equivalent. Instead I'm a "middle manager" for a drug company. I'm not covered in laurels or top in my company. Am I a valued employee? Yes. But I don't kid myself into thinking that they couldn't find someone else just as qualified and valuable next week if I weren't here.
As I look back on my life, I look at the choices I've made. I could have been a doctor - I wanted to be a cardiologist. Yet by the time I got to my junior year in college I was so tired of school I got my little B.S. and ran. And to be completely honest, the thought of going back to school to get a master's or a PhD/MD holds absolutely no appeal to me.
I've had several opportunities to get a job in the Northeast or in California that would have put me on a path to "importance" in my chosen field. Yet, because I (or my ex) wanted to stay near my family, I chose to wait for positions locally, or at least closer to Dallas than the East or West coast. I know that I could have been higher in the field than I am. I look at people my age that went to the big companies and they have higher positions and more money. Yet, I think to myself, do I want to make the time commitment they have had to make. I'm sure they work nearly 60 hours a week on a regular basis.
And now that I have to deal with the consequences of my MS, I wonder. On some level was God guiding me in my choices, knowing that I would have to face this? I can't handle a 60-hour a week job, especially so far from the support of my family. I know this. I've experienced this. But is my life poorer for it? I think not. I'm close to my family. I have time not only for them, but for my friends and the extra-curricular activities that add richness to my days. I can take a vacation and not have to work during my "time off". I am more than my work.
So, am I squandering my life away in mediocrity? I sincerely hope not. Some would say I am. But is being the best at something really the best goal? Or is it having a full life with those that care about you that one should hope for? I guess the key is to be happy with your life and to keep striving for what you want, but not to be so caught up in it that a failure ruins any chance of happiness.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Blogging...
I guess I'll try this blogging thing out. Who knows? Maybe something good will come of it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)